In Defense of Scrooge
The Toronto Star: “In other words, don’t question clichés. But this is precisely what Scrooge does at the beginning of the story, when the ‘portly gentlemen’ come soliciting. Here’s their pitch: ‘At...
View ArticleNureyev By Subway
Who’s Got the Biggest Balls of All? “Does one really need the perimeter of three subway seats to provide salvation for the sensitive seed?….Bizarre that the same boys who cringed at junior high school...
View ArticleThe Cole Valleyites
Cole Valley seems to be populated by a sizable faction of urban professionals who can kindly be described as Gavin Newsom voters, and can less kindly be referred to as smug, elitist fuckheads. I do my...
View ArticleYou’ve Got the Touch
I stumbled onto this and was perplexed. But now I think I understand what goes on in the Upper West Side. And, yes, frankly, it’s a little weird to me too, but not that weird. But I respect it, even if...
View ArticleBeyond the Pale
Maud’s posted a great little ditty on pallor. But I must assure Ms. Newton that she don’t have jack on my albino ass. For years, I was terrified of wearing shorts. I wore T-shirts to apartment complex...
View ArticleNice Guys & Lesbians
Oddly enough, I had a “date” similar to this, though nowhere nearly as extreme: ME: Why is she walking home and why are you picking her up. AFV (now in full blown rage) BECAUSE YOU TRIED TO KISS HER...
View ArticleConversation with a Fellow Customer
“Security. Does wonders for the mind.” He set down his bottle, which he paid with a twenty. “Really?” I asked. “How so?” “Well, for starters, there’s the discipline.” “Discipline?” “Yeah. Ain’t no job...
View ArticleThere’s a Lesson Here Somewhere
Local 6 News: “An 83-year-old man was found lying dead in his yard next to his wife after he fell, became stranded and ordered his wife not to get help for three days despite heavy rainstorms,...
View ArticleJust Imagine How Much Trouble It Is To Buy A Pack of Trojans
Singapore is lifting its chewing gum ban, but not without a few stipulations: (a) only 19 medicinal brands will be allowed, (b) anyone dealing black market gum will face two years in jail, and (c) you...
View ArticleIn Defense of Fucking the South (And the Red States Too, For That Matter)
“In swearing, as a means of expressing anger, potentially noxious energy is converted into a form that renders it comparatively innocuous. By affording the means of working off the surplus energy of...
View ArticleUnlawful Common Knowledge
I’m no historian. I’m just a guy who reads books with a layman’s ambition of being well-rounded. I can give you a brief overview of Ferdinand de Lesseps’ attempt to cut through the Isthmus of Panama...
View ArticleSun-Soaked Roundup
Sarah is interviewed by Kacey Kowars. Sarah talks about the history of her blog, how she reads and selects content, her new day job, inter alia. The subject of “mean-spiritedness” is also brought up,...
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Sort of a Photographic Supplement to Final Exit
The Shanghaist has uncovered this helpful map for anyone looking to commit suicide in Shanghai. Fourteen areas are listed. Personally, I admire the over-the-top black icons against yellow-orange. The...
View ArticleMore Importantly, Can They Revive the Taxicab Conversation in a Cell Phone...
It seems that the taxi partition is due for an overhaul. In New York, the Taxi and Limousine Commission has issued a call for new designs and proposals.
View ArticleEscape from New York
She has worked at the Haight branch of Escape from New York Pizza for at least four years. So my best calculations dictate. I’ve seen her working there in some capacity since 2001. And frankly I’m a...
View ArticleIf I Was a Girl Back in 1966, I’d Be Bad for Airline Hostess, Ballet Dancer,...
The Exciting Game of Career Girls (1966): “Speaking Clearly: Good for Actress and Teacher.” And I should point out that this was less than forty years ago.
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An Open Letter to Fake Squealy Women
Dear Fake Squealy Women: First off, allow me to distinguish between you and your counterparts: specifically, those genuinely squealy women or women with naturally adenoidal voices. I have no specific...
View ArticleYou Can Justify Your Eating Disorder and Have Yourself Two to Three Extra...
Wired: “Aubrey de Grey, a Cambridge University gerontologist, recently wrote a paper concluding that CR [caloric restriction] is unlikely to add more than two or three years to the mean or maximum life...
View ArticleBut Despite Their Online Gullibility, Men STILL Insist On Fixing Your Computers!
The Register: “The poll revealed that women report experience fewer difficulties in their lives online than men do: for instance, 46 per cent of men vs. 38 per cent of women reported being infected...
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